Email thread: A friend moves...again.

From: Tim
Subject: rites of spring
Date: Thu, 27 May 2004 10:11 AM

How do you know when the month of May has arrived. Is it the Kentucky Derby? The Indy 500? Or is it Tim moving for the bajillionith time. For me it's the last one. Here is my new address:

xxxx Ralston Ave.
Indianapolis, IN 46220

Phone is the same 317-###-####
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From: Jimmy Joe Johnson
Subject: RE: rites of spring
Date: Thu, 27 May 2004, 11:35 AM

I knew I'd seen that address before...

From The Indianapolis Star, January 5, 2004:

"Quintuple Murder on Ralston Ave."
By Terry Horne

INDIANAPOLIS - Police are investigating a quintuple murder at the home of Bob Arino at xxxx Ralston Avenue. On Sunday, police received a call from neighbors that the Arino's hadn't been seen in days and that they noticed a peculiar odor or "stench" emanating from the house. Police arrived on site
and broke down the doors. Words can hardly describe the scene inside. An entire family murdered...to death. Each body, including that of little 8-year-old Ned "Beef" Arino, had been completely skinned. Even more disturbing was that the hides had been used to wallpaper the dining room.

"The hides on the walls sort of gave the home a southwestern motif, albeit a horribly smelly motif." said Detective Chet Sumner. "We've got officers pukin' all over the place here. It's more of a vomitorium than a crime scene. One of my officers just filled up his own hat with his breakfast and I got another guy tryin' to get the chunks out of his shotgun. Whoever buys this house next will have a hell of a mess to clean up. Not just the vomit, but that 'wallpaper' is gonna be murder to get off, pun intended. The murderer apparently used some sort of industrial mastic to apply it. He's good. A real pro. I mean it's a seamless job. You can't tell where one flap of skin ends and another begins."

The bodies themselves were stacked in the upstairs closet like
shoeboxes...stacked in a closet.

Remarked Detective Sumner, "The eyes were open and the bodies were motionless, but I swear they beckoned. They beckoned for their very souls. Or it could have been the thousands of maggots writhing on the flesh that made the bodies appear to move. Either way, it was so stinky in there that I had guys pukin' all over the walls. I said, 'Hey, boys, this house already has horrible wallpaper downstairs! You tryin' to make the walls worse up here?' The boys just laughed and puked some more. Man, I feel for the guy that buys this house next."

Investigators say that this is not the first time this has happened here. In 1988, 1991, 1992, 1995 and 2001, entire families were skinned in this very house. Each family's hide was used for some sort of decorative purpose, from carpet to countertops.

Detective Sumner remarked, "There seems to be a pattern here. The murderer has some sort of problem with this house or the people within it. I suppose future murders are inevitable. Therefore, we encourage future owners of this property to call 911 if they are in the process of being skinned alive. Then maybe we can catch this guy. By the way, we've come up with 'The Naptown Skinner' as a good name for the murderer and 'Murder By Design' as a good title for the made-for-TV movie that will inevitably spring from this incident."

Terry Horne can be contacted at terry.horne@indystar.com
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From: Tim
Subject: RE: rites of spring
Date: Thu, 27 May 2004 12:35 PM

Bravo good sir. I tip my hand to you and now I'll fade into Bolivian. That was one of the funniest things I've read in quite some time. I kind of want to move again just to have you write a story to go with the address. Top shelf, A list, Cream of the crop ( I rise to the top, I never eat a pig because a pig is a cop).

Ned "Beef" Arino