Habemus papam!

VATICAN CITY - As white smoke rose from the Sistine Chapel chimney and bells rang Tuesday, the world knew that a new pope had been elected. The identity was revealed shortly after as Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger of Germany emerged as Pope Benedict XVI above a capacity crowd at St. Peter's Square.

The Pope began his address to the crowd by saying, "Webster's Dictionary defines 'Pope' as 'the bishop of Rome and head of the Roman Catholic Church on earth.' So relax, Pope Xendelgorn VII of Jupiter. Your job is safe." which resulted in thunderous laughter from the crowd.

The jocularity continued as the Pope said, "In addition, Webster's Dictionary defines 'benedict' as 'a newly married man who was previously considered a confirmed bachelor.' Well, perhaps married to my work anyway!" which was rewarded with more laughter and applause.

The Pope finished with a few jokes about eggs benedict and then wrapped up with a quick prayer. So there you have it. Habemus papam, everybody!