Daily Showering Tip: Celebrity Edition (5/18/05)...

"Greetings, American scum. Praise Allah. I speak to you from the black caves of Atawalabiazbara in upper eastern Afghanistan. Don't worry, oil-grubbing fools, this tape was recorded weeks ago. I'm not here now, so forget about dropping your cave-busting nukes, you imperialist dirtbags. Praise Allah. I have been asked by one of your capitalist slaves, Jimmy Joe Johnson, to provide a showering tip for his web log. It is sickening to me that your resource-devouring, money-hungry pig of nation would find the time to worry about bathing when it's that very way of life that directly threatens the fundamental values of...oh screw it. I need to speak truthfully here. I'm dying for a shower. I haven't had one in years. There's no such thing as a shower in these stupid, dry, hot, dusty desert caves. I don't even know if I remember how to shower, let alone give a useful showering tip. Oh, how I long for a nice cool shower! A cool shower sure makes you feel good on a hot day. Hey, there's a tip! Oh, who cares. I'm feeling blue. Leave me to my sorrows. Praise Allah." -- Osama bin Laden, terrorist