More like Olympic Suckball...

So we learned today that baseball has been tossed out of the Olympic program for the 2012 London Games. Boo hoo? No. No boo hoo. You'll get no protest from me here. I mean, I love baseball, but Olympic baseball is absolute turd. Who wants to watch a bunch of no-name, no-face college kids go out and play bad baseball? Not me. That's why I avoid the College World Series like I would avoid a bucket full of 80-year-old vaginas if I just happened to find them on a street corner. I'd avoid them so much that I wouldn't even point them out to the police. Even if I saw children playing with the bucket, I wouldn't say a word because I'd be too busy avoiding the old vaginas. Just like I avoid amateur baseball.

You see, I want big-time stars on my Olympic baseball team just like we have in Olympic basketball. I want to see A-Rod, Pujols and Clemens. I even want to see Barry Bonds. I HATE Barry Bonds, but damnit, at least he's interesting. I want him to go stand at the plate looking completely uninterested, crank a 600-ft., 3-run oppo jack, walk around the bases, complain that the fans are too racist, then get in a hover-limo and zip off to the airport and fly home. I want to see a Chinese batter charge the mound after getting hit in the helmet, only to have the pitcher, Kyle Farnsworth, get in a 3-point stance and absolutely plow the guy into the ground all the way back to his homeland. Then, I want to see Farnsworth head to the dugout, punch a Gatorade cooler, and cry for an hour. Now THAT'S fun. THAT'S baseball.

Baseball is emotionally unstable players. Baseball is egos the size of Montana. Baseball is players that shove camera men down and break their wide-angle lenses, then apologize a few days later. Baseball is fat guys that can pitch 2 and 1/3 shut-out, middle relief innings after drinking 10 Jägerbombs and 5 Hennessy & Hpnotiq the night before. Baseball is money and greed. Baseball is interesting. Baseball is NOT a bunch of unpaid, amateur, immature losers looking for glory. It's the charisma and sheer skill of professional players that makes me like baseball. These college kids have no skill and no charisma. They're not ready to represent my country in the Olympics. They're losers. Hell, Team USA just lost 7-3 yesterday to Japan. Lookin' good, guys. Can't wait to see you in Beijing in 2008. If you even qualify, that is.