Christmas Trivia 2005

by Trudy Joe Johnson (Jimmy's wife)

Well, it’s that time of the year when yours truly, Trudy Joe Johnson, (or should I say "yours Trudy"?) shares a little bit of Christmas joy via my vast knowledge of all things Christmas. Today I reach way down to the bottom of my magic sack of trivial goodies to discover the origins of the Christmas tree itself. Believe it or not, it’s “roots” (ha ha) date all the way back to the ancient Egyptians!

By the way, Jimmy Joe has a magic sack, too. It's fuzzy and changes shape depending on the temperature.

The Egyptians were part of a long line of cultures that treasured and worshipped evergreens. When the winter solstice arrived, they brought green date palm leaves into their homes to symbolize life's triumph over death. In the end, however, death would prevail. Life is fleeting, but death…death is imminent. Death is the great equalizer. Death will ALWAYS win. I ask you, what’s the point of living if we’re just going to die anyway? Someday I'll die, and I'll take Jimmy Joe with me.

Anyway, the Romans also celebrated the winter solstice with a fest called Saturnalia in honor of Saturnus, the god of agriculture. They decorated their houses with greens and lights and exchanged gifts. Then they threw slaves and unpopular gladiators to the lions to appease Saturnus even though Saturnus didn’t really care for slaves that much. He preferred virgins. Young ones. And lots of them.

Also, centuries ago in Great Britain, woods priests called Druids used evergreens during mysterious winter solstice rituals. The Druids used holly and mistletoe as symbols of eternal life, and placed evergreen branches over doors to keep away evil spirits. What the somewhat dimwitted, oafish Druids failed to realize was the obvious fact that evil spirits can simply walk through walls thereby avoiding the protective evergreen branches in the doorways. Silly Druids!

Late in the Middle Ages, Germans and Scandinavians placed evergreen trees inside their homes or just outside their doors to show their hope in the forthcoming Spring. And from these early traditions, our modern Christmas tree evolved into what it is today. A stunted, unnaturally trimmed, over-fertilized pesticide sponge decorated with lead-based tinsel and secular symbols of affluence and capitalism. A Merry Christmas indeed.

Bye, everybody! I'll try and share more Christmas trivia later before the "big day" arrives!