More Christmas Trivia 2005...

by Trudy Joe Johnson (Jimmy's wife)

Hi again, everybody. It's yours "Trudy"! I'm back one last time before Christmas with a little more holiday trivia. So here goes...

As we all know, or at least as the 84% of the population of the United States that's Christian knows, Christmas is a time to celebrate the birth of Santa Claus. But how did this jolly, lovable, severely obese, list-making, list-checking, hard-drinking, slave-driving boss of the elves come to be?

By the way, Jimmy Joe is also a hard-drinking slave driver, but I'd hardly compare him to Santa Clause.

Anyway, one day, circa 280 A.D., God felt that he was being a little too judgmental. So much so that many people were being turned off by the strict boundaries of Christianity and were starting to convert to Unitarianism, the thought of which completely freaked God out. So anyway, the Lord felt it necessary to assign some of the duties of judgment to a less...intimidating being. Somebody people could relate to on a more human level. Somebody they would almost beg to be judged by. It would be a long process taking many hundreds of years to evolve the perfect icon of judgment, so, on December 25, c. 280 A.D., God began the process and made a Turkish monk named St. Nicholas. Nick lived life by giving away all of his inherited wealth and traveling the countryside helping the poor and sick. These legends of altruism came to America in 1773 as the Dutch gathered to honor the anniversary of the death St. Nicholas. They nicknamed him Sinter Klaas. This Dutch story was reported in New York newspapers and, by 1804, wood carvings of St. Nicholas were distributed by the New York Historical Society that depicted the now-familiar Santa Claus images including stockings filled with toys and fruit hung over a fireplace. The nickname Sinter Klaas gradually evolved into Santa Claus, and the name has stuck in America. The 1822 poem "Twas the Night Before Christmas" helped grow the fantastical story of Santa Claus. The sleigh, the reindeer, the presents for "deserving" children. This, of course, relates now to the idea that Santa is checking on children to see if they are "naughty or nice." He's making of list of the bad ones who will be punished with no reward, and a list of the good ones who will be greatly rewarded, thus drawing parallels to casting souls into either heaven or hell. Children all over the world would do good deeds to make sure that Santa would give them good presents. And parents would lead by example. This is exactly what God had planned hundreds of years earlier. An icon other than him that would judge people and cause them to do good deeds, yet would not intimidate them so much that they would turn away from the church.

Makes you think, huh? Well, be good, everyone! God and Santa are watching. Merry Christmas (to 84% of you) and Happy Holidays (to all)!

Christmas Trivia 2005

by Trudy Joe Johnson (Jimmy's wife)

Well, it’s that time of the year when yours truly, Trudy Joe Johnson, (or should I say "yours Trudy"?) shares a little bit of Christmas joy via my vast knowledge of all things Christmas. Today I reach way down to the bottom of my magic sack of trivial goodies to discover the origins of the Christmas tree itself. Believe it or not, it’s “roots” (ha ha) date all the way back to the ancient Egyptians!

By the way, Jimmy Joe has a magic sack, too. It's fuzzy and changes shape depending on the temperature.

The Egyptians were part of a long line of cultures that treasured and worshipped evergreens. When the winter solstice arrived, they brought green date palm leaves into their homes to symbolize life's triumph over death. In the end, however, death would prevail. Life is fleeting, but death…death is imminent. Death is the great equalizer. Death will ALWAYS win. I ask you, what’s the point of living if we’re just going to die anyway? Someday I'll die, and I'll take Jimmy Joe with me.

Anyway, the Romans also celebrated the winter solstice with a fest called Saturnalia in honor of Saturnus, the god of agriculture. They decorated their houses with greens and lights and exchanged gifts. Then they threw slaves and unpopular gladiators to the lions to appease Saturnus even though Saturnus didn’t really care for slaves that much. He preferred virgins. Young ones. And lots of them.

Also, centuries ago in Great Britain, woods priests called Druids used evergreens during mysterious winter solstice rituals. The Druids used holly and mistletoe as symbols of eternal life, and placed evergreen branches over doors to keep away evil spirits. What the somewhat dimwitted, oafish Druids failed to realize was the obvious fact that evil spirits can simply walk through walls thereby avoiding the protective evergreen branches in the doorways. Silly Druids!

Late in the Middle Ages, Germans and Scandinavians placed evergreen trees inside their homes or just outside their doors to show their hope in the forthcoming Spring. And from these early traditions, our modern Christmas tree evolved into what it is today. A stunted, unnaturally trimmed, over-fertilized pesticide sponge decorated with lead-based tinsel and secular symbols of affluence and capitalism. A Merry Christmas indeed.

Bye, everybody! I'll try and share more Christmas trivia later before the "big day" arrives!