Autobiography Sneak Preview...

Here's a passage from "The Alliterate Autobiography of Andy Ackerby: From Tits to Toilets to Teeny Tiny Tabletops" (coming to bookstores February 18th):

Page 119, paragraph 2:

"Believing them to be better butlers than that bumbling Baxter, I employed many monkeys to mind my mansion and me. Wontedly, they are wonderfully wild, wicked and worthy. But, markedly, the monkeys' manners went missing. Besides constantly climbing like King Kong, darting and diving from drape to drape and openly acting out autoerotic activities, primate poo was forever flung predictably and persistently past me like flurries of funk feeding a frightful fantasy. The stench stunk like a stale cesspool and offensively overwhelmed my olfaction. I was continuously cleaning clods of crap off the carpet. It was enough. In an instant, I intended it to end, but the butlers, sensing their services would soon be superfluous, bowed out before I could boot them from the building. "Bye bye, boys!" I bellowed. "Don't let the door damage your derrieres when you depart!"