Water Blogged has gone on hiatus for retooling. Projected return date: July 5.

- Ed.

Daily Showering Tip #100 (6/21/05)...

Are you tired of wearing plastic wrap or plastic grocery bags around your ostomy appliance when you take a shower?

Do you forgo showering as often as you would like because of the cost and time it takes to change your ostomy appliance?

Are you stinky because you don't shower as often for fear of damaging your ostomy appliance?

Do small children make fun of you for pooping out of a hole in your abdomen?

Then the Shower Gard* is for you!



Because if you're ostomy appliance gets wet, you're not just F'd in the A, you're also F'd in the O. Ostomy, that is!

*Warning: Of the 4 key areas of the body that require daily cleansing (face, armpits, crotch, asshole) Shower Gard does not allow 2 of those areas to be cleaned - crotch and asshole. Therefore, although Shower Gard guarantees that the ostomy appliance will not get wet, it does not guarantee a successful shower. In conjunction with the shower, the bather may wish to utilize other forms of bathing, such as a sponge bath or whore's bath.

Joke of the week that starts out good, but the punchline falls flat, then you realize that the joke is pretty funny regardless...

Two employees are hanging out in their office break room. One of them takes off his pants and says, “Hey, it’s casual day!” The other one picks up the pants and walks out saying, “Yeah, good luck with that.”

Today is supposed to be the 100th Daily Showering Tip, but I'll be damned if I can concentrate this afternoon. Bear with me. In the meantime, here's a picture of a dog cooking dinner:


"I ruv you!"

Daily Showering Tip (6/17/05)...

SHOWER FACT: Back in the olden days before indoor plumbing, people used to shower out in a small building separate from the main house. The showerhouse. It was sort of like an outhouse for the shower. Most folks just called it the "shouthouse." Actually, that reminds me of a poem:

Crazy Grandpa Eli
Back in nineteen hundred and thirty-three,
Grandpa fought with Grandma
O'er the monthly milk fee.
This put Grandpa in the doghouse,
So he went to the shithouse,
But that's the outhouse to you and me.
After the shithouse,
It was off to the shouthouse,
But that's the showerhouse to you and me.
Cleaned up in the shouthouse,
Then back to the main house
To shoot poor Grandma
O'er the monthly milk fee.
He shot her right in the face,
But was not disgraced.
The fee was not wee.
It was high indeed.
With Grandma away,
There's not much else to say.
It was courthouse to bighouse,
Where Grandpa was deloused.
And passed all his days
Listening to Strauss.
And passed all his days
Licking a mouse.
Crazy Grandpa Eli.

Daily Showering Tip (6/15/05)...

There are waterproof radios and CD players that can be purchased specifically for use in the shower, and listening to music or talk radio in the shower can be a rather enjoyable experience. But be careful when listening to "Jump Around" by House of Pain. Depending on your gender, you might injure your unrestrained testicles or breasts as they uncontrollably flop and slap and slap and flop about the shower.

Joke of the week that starts out good, but the punchline falls flat, then you realize that the joke is pretty funny regardless...

Two monkeys are having sex in a car. One turns to the other and says, “Hey, I didn’t know you were gay.” The other one replies, “Hey, I didn’t know I could drive a car.” Then a man walks by and says, “Shut the hell up, you queer talking apes!”

Daily Showering Tip (6/13/05)...

MacGyver once quickly improvised a shower using a bucket, rope, cheese grater, and duct tape. With the aide of an ingenious cigarette timing device, water flowed through the cheese grater and onto the head of an evil Columbian drug lord just as he was walking beneath the shower. This startling event caused him to drop his gun, which MacGyver quickly seized. Since MacGyver refuses to use a gun, he tossed the gun aside and, after a lengthy fistfight, eventually subdued the drug lord. His arrest indirectly prevented thousands of kilos of highly purified cocaine from entering the United States. To celebrate, MacGyver took a relaxing shower of his own, making sure to apply extra conditioner to his mullet as all mulleteers should.

There will be no updates until Monday since I'll be out of town. Until then, here's some pictures of people eating giant hamburgers:

Joke of the week that starts out good, but the punchline falls flat, then you realize that the joke is pretty funny regardless...

“I’ve got some good news and some bad news,” the doctor says. “What’s the bad news?” asks the patient. “The bad news is that you’ve got only three months to live.” The patient is understandably upset and says, “What’s the good news, doc?” The doctor looks at him and says, “I just had sex with your wife.”

Daily Showering Tip (6/6/05)...

If you love SCUBA diving, but don't have access to a lake or ocean, standing under the shower with your SCUBA gear on is the next best thing to actual diving.

Daily Showering Tip (6/3/05)...

Cleaning your neck is an essential part of showering. When was the last time you cleaned yours? Are you sure? I'm telling you, don't neglect your neck because here's what happens to those that do:

Daily Showering Tip (6/2/05)...

There is no need to wash your towel. Provided you wash properly, you're always super clean when you come out of the shower, so why would your towel ever get dirty? It doesn't. Want proof? Take a look at this towel I've been using every day since 1987. Never been washed. Looks clean to me!

Daily Showering Tip (6/1/05)...

If you're about to take a shower and feel a poop coming on, always poop BEFORE you shower, not after. That way, it's like the pooping never happened. You'll be so fresh. So clean.

Here's a song to help you remember, set to Outkast's "So Fresh, So Clean":

Ain't nobody poops like I do
I'm so fresh, so clean (so fresh and so clean clean)
I take a shower right after I go poop
I'm so fresh, so clean (so fresh and so clean clean).